WASHINGTON — Following the September 16 rampage that saw Aaron Alexis gun down 12 people at the Washington Navy Yard, federal investigators have officially determined that the overwhelming majority of House and Senate republicans are clinically delusional.
According to Psychiatrist and Lead Mental Health Investigator in the case Dr. Opveyus, “We have examined all 249 republican congressmen, and the results are quite conclusive: they’re nuts.”
Asked to elaborate, Dr. Opveyus described the events that lead to this most recent (unless you count the 10 shooting sprees involving four or more slain victims that, statistically, occurred between the Navy Yard shooting and the publishing of this article 10 days later) shooting.
“It appears that, at some point in mid-April, just prior to the vote over whether or not to enact commonsense background checks for gun purchases, these legislators seem to have suffered some sort of traumatic event wherein their testicles were…
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